Losing Jamie
by no1one77
Summary: All you need to know about this story: 'When you lose your child, it will break you inside. It's like dying, the only difference is, you are still alive...,' Frank Reagan.
1. Introduction

**Introduction:**

It started as one of those fights. The one after which you find yourself wondering what the argument was even about. But this time it was different, because this time, Jamie Reagan would run out of his parent's house, slamming the door behind him shut. Not looking back. Initially, his father, detective Francis Xavier Reagan, wanted to go after him, but he decided it would probably be a good idea to let his son cool off before he would bring Jamie home. There was nothing that could happen to him. Their neighborhood was pretty much safe place, unlike other parts of the city. After all, Jamie would most likely head to Parker's house or one of his other friends. So, the detective and his wife didn't worry when their son left the house. It was only later when the sun went down, and Jamie still hasn't returned home when they started to sense that something was not quite right.

At first, they called their neighbors asking whether someone has seen Jamie. But once they realized that no one had seen their son since the early afternoon, they started to worry. The dreaded parents called the family before they reported their son missing. Not long after, a search party was organized, and hundreds of NYPD officers accompanied by volunteers not only from the neighborhood started looking for Jamie. They searched every square foot within the area of Brooklyn, but the boy was nowhere to be found. The dreaded parents begged their son to come home on national TV. They even asked the potential abductors to release their child, but there was no response. Two days later, the search party was called off for the chances that the boy will be found alive have dropped dramatically. It was as if the boy has wholly vanished a no one knew what happened to Jamie that tragical November day. It became a mystery that haunted his father Frank Reagan his whole life. The rumor had it that the former detective kept his son's file in his desk and that it would move with him to 1PP when he became the NYPD commissioner six years later. Some said that allegedly the commissioner never gave up hope that his son was still alive, although the statistics said otherwise. Yet, the broken man always hoped that one day he would be able to bring his son home whether alive or dead.

As for Jamie, he originally meant to go home after the sun went down and it became cold outside that unfortunate November day but then something went terribly wrong, and Jamie was never to be seen again.

**AN:**

**You can let me know your thoughts in comments where this story should/could go. I have my idea, but as always, I****'m opened to any suggestion.**


	2. A Broken Man

A Broken Man

It has been six years. Six years since the day Jamie Reagan has disappeared without a trace. His father detective Reagan did everything he could to find the boy but without any success. Those within the NYPD kept saying that the broken man would turn the entire New York upside down if it would help him to bring his little boy home. But the truth was that no matter how much Frank Reagan kept telling himself that his son was alive, deep inside he knew that the odds were against him. He knew well the changes that Jamie could be alive were pretty small. Yet, the grieving father never lost hope that one day they will find Jamie. His wife Mary spent days crying after their youngest son disappeared out of sudden. She would stay in the bedroom all day long crying. And this would have repeated every single day for several weeks until eventually one day she got out of her room and put all her effort to help those in need as part of their community service. Although her husband was glad that she found something to keep her busy every now, and then he woke up in the middle of the night with Mary being absent from their bed. He often found her in Jamie's room holding their son's favorite stuffed teddy bear crying. In moments like that he used to come to her, embracing her around her shoulders so they could share their grief. There was nothing that could make the pain of losing a child go away. But to make things even worse. Five years after Jamie disappeared Mary was diagnosed with breast cancer, and a few months later she was too gone and Frank who in the meantime became the chief of police was left alone with his grief.

***BB***

"Hey, gramps, it's me," detective Daniel Reagan told his grandfather as he made his regular call to check up on their father.

"I thought it would be you," the former commissioner replied with a sad smile. Danny who has never been punctual was now regular as clockwork.

There was a brief silence before Danny spoke again.

"So, how is he?" He wanted to know.

"The same," his grandfather uttered sadly. "He is trying to pull on a brave face, but deep inside he is devastated."

The young detective sighed heavily.

"Does he at least take the pills the doctor prescribed him?" He wanted to know.

"Well, he takes the pills for his blood pressure, but he won't take the sleeping pills as far as I'm concerned," the former commissioner stated as he shook his head with disagreement.

"Damn it, the old man is just stubborn as a bull...," the young man cursed angrily. Ever since they lost Jamie, he could observe how his parent's overall wellbeing was fading away but now with his mum gone the detective was seriously worried that the one they will be burying next would be their father unless something happens that could help him to ease the pain.

"Danny, your father needs time to come in peace with your mother's death on his speed and under his condition..., we all do!" The Reagan patriarch stated sadly. "You can't rush these things."

"I know, pops. I know." The detective nodded his head in agreement. "I wish there was something I could do, you know. I hate feeling so hopeless..."

"I know what you are talking about," Henry uttered before he and Danny said their goodbyes.

*****BB*****

The commissioner was sitting behind his desk in his office, going through some old files piled up in front of him when he caught himself that he wasn't paying attention to what was written in them. He wasn't paying attention to anything today for it has been exactly six years since his youngest son Jameson "Jamie" disappeared. The commissioner has spent the last six years thinking about his son every single day.

_Where was he? _

_Was he alright? _

_Or was he dead? _

And if he was dead, how come they haven't found his body yet?

Maybe knowing Jamie was no longer alive would be more merciful for the grieving parent than the constant uncertainty. But somewhere deep inside Frank Reagan still believed his son was alive. He must have been somewhere out there. Yet, he was unable to find him. He, his father who at the same time was among the NYPD's finest was unable to find him.

Commissioner's sight fell on the picture that stood in front of him. The picture showed his wife Mary and him with their youngest son on the occasion of Jamie's first school day. Frank took the frame into his hands carefully, giving it a sad look. Not only has he lost his beloved son, but less a few months ago he also lost his beloved wife too.

The broken man sighed heavily as he watched the two beloved family members who have been both taken away from him so soon with deep sorrow. He was thinking how unfair life has been to him when he got interrupted from his thoughts by someone knocking on his door and shortly after his friend DCPI Garrett Moore peaked into his office.

"Baker told me you were still here," he explained when he spotted the commissioner sitting behind his desk with the photo frame in his hands. He didn't need to ask what the Frank was looking at. He knew that picture far too well. The picture that showed his beloved wife and their little boy with that big goofy smile.

"Why don't you go home, Frank?" Garrett asked his friend worriedly as he walked closer to his desk.

"You know what day is today, right?" The commissioner asked as he slowly raised his eyes from the picture.

"Of course, I do," Garrett nodded his head sadly. "That's also why I came to check on you."

"Well, here I am," Frank replied. "I'm still vertical, so according to my book I'm fine."

Both men stayed silent for a while both lost in their memories before Frank spoke again.

"He would have been sixteen this year," he uttered, his voice was barely a whisper. "He would have been at high school, playing baseball and perhaps chasing after girls," the commissioner stated hopefully.

Garrett laughed lightly as he imagined Jamie chasing after girls.

"Do you think it will get ever easier?" He asked his friend compassionately, being well aware that the last six years were a nightmare for the commissioner.

"I'm afraid not," Frank shook his head sadly, "...you never really get over losing a child. Especially, when it's your own child," he sighed heavily.


	3. What happened to Jamie that day?

"Hey, dad," detective Daniel Reagan addressed his father when the commissioner picked up the phone. It was already late in the evening, and the commissioner was tired.

"Danny," the middle-aged man replied, "what can I do for you, son?"

"Ehm," the detective cleared his throat, "I just wanted to check on you and see how you guys were doing?" Danny admitted honestly. He knew that these days were going to be tough on their father mainly because the commissioner never really stopped blaming himself for what happened to Jamie that unfortunate day six years earlier.

"I'm trying my best," the chief of the police uttered sadly, "and so is pops."

There was a moment when both men kept silent. Both lost in their memories. Alone with their pain. They were so close, and yet they were so distant.

It was the father who first broke the silence.

"I was just thinking about your brother," he admitted sadly to his oldest, "he would have been sixteen soon," the broken man uttered weakly.

"Yeah," the detective swallowed hard. He could feel a lump in his throat as he did every time someone mentioned his brother, "he would."

Jamie has been gone so long and yet the detective, who always pretended to be a tough guy, was unable to talk about his kid brother without getting emotional.

Danny hesitated for a moment before he asked:

"I saw, Baker has withdrawn some cold cases involving missing children for you from the archive...," the detective stated carefully, testing the ice, "ehm..., anything new?" He questioned.

He wished there was some new information that would lead them to his brother. Although Danny doubted there was a chance that they could find Jamie alive. Or at least, not after so many years have passed. The detective always believed that they would find Jamie one day or at least his remains, but he never thought his baby brother could be alive.

His professional guess was that Jamie became a victim of some perpetrator who most likely had abused the boy before he finally murdered him and then he probably buried him a shallow grave somewhere in the woods.

_Man, how scared the kid must have been?_ Danny often wondered when he was thinking about his kid brother.

Naturally, he kept his assumptions to himself. The only one he shared his thoughts with was Joe who on the other hand was convinced that Jamie was alive.

As for their father, the commissioner always believed that his son was alive.

Of course, given the fact that their father was a detective too, the commissioner was well aware that there was an option that his son could have become a victim of sexual assault. He immediately refused to consider this option when it first crossed his mind because he was sure that just the thought of his boy being assaulted before his alleged death would most likely drive him crazy. To him, his son was still alive, although the odds were against them.

"I'm afraid not," Frank Reagan stated the truth, "it's just...,ehm..., I never could get over a feeling that we have overlooked something…," the broken man replied, pain evident in his voice.

"Listen, dad, I know you are looking for some closure and so are we, but we have all read Jamie's file over and over for a million times. There isn't anything we haven't looked into yet!" The detective tried to reason with his father.

However, the commissioner remained tenacious.

"There must be something, Danny," the commissioner insisted, "it's my cop's intuition that is telling me we have overlooked something..."

***BB***

"Hey, Joe!" Seargent Renzulli greeted his rookie when he spotted his favorite "driver" as he has called him walking towards him in front of the 12th. "Looking forward to be rolling the beat with me again?" He asked his partner cheerfully.

"Morning, Sarge," Joe replied with a weak smile on his lips. "Yeah, can't wait." The young man giggled.

"So, how are things in Reaganland these days?" Renzulli asked Joe as the two of them headed out to after the roll call.

Joe just sighed heavily as he bit his lower lip nervously.

He hesitated for a moment before he turned back to his TO.

"I'm afraid my dad's not doing well," the police officer complained. "I mean, he is just devastated about what happened to Jamie. Not to mention that mum died only a few months ago."

"Ugly thing with your brother," Renzulli shook his head sadly, thinking about the events that took place six years ago.

"I remember your father from the 12th back then. Poor guy wouldn't stop looking for your brother for weeks."Renzulli remembered. "We were all worried that he would never be able to let go, and from what I have heard he never did, did he?"

"It broke him inside," the younger man replied sadly. "The truth is, he never was the same..."

The two-man just walked silently side by side for a few minutes before Renzulli broke the silence.

"I remember your brother from when he was just a little boy — such a little giggle. Your old man adored him. I mean, not that he loved you guys any less… but Jamie was your mother and father's youngest child, besides you were all almost teenagers when Jamie was born and did not want to spend the time at home with your parents anymore."

"Sarge," Joe addressed his TO as he suddenly stopped in his tracks, "can I ask you what do you think happened to my brother that day?" The young police officer wanted to know, but Renzulli just shrugged his shoulders.

"Does it really matter?" He asked his rookie, wishing that Joe would preferably drop the topic.

"Sarge, you have been with the force for as many years as my dad, I want to know your opinion," he pleaded him.

"Come on, Joe, you are a cop yourself," Renzulli pointed out. This conversation was getting uncomfortable.

"Yet, I want to know your opinion."

The older man just took a deep breath, thinking his words through before he replied.

"I guess that Jamie got abducted that day whether it was by some random perpetrator or someone that held something against your old man. But my second sense is telling me that it was rather random unless something went wrong in case it was someone who held something against your father," Renzulli uttered thoughtfully.

"What do you mean?" Joe questioned.

"Come on, Joe. If it was someone who wanted to get to your father, then they would most likely want to make sure that Jamie stayed alive and they would let your father know they had him. That's, of course, in case that everything would go according to a plan."

"So, you think it's more probable Jamie was a random victim of some perpetrator?" The young police officer wanted to know.

But Renzulli just shrugged his shoulders.

"Guess we will never know, Joe. Or at least unless we find his remains." The Sarge stated sadly.

"But, hey, what do I know, maybe your brother is still alive," he added hastily once he saw Joe's bewildered look.

"I think dad never stopped believing that he will find him one day," the rookie uttered sadly.

Renzulli just nodded his head. "He is the father, of course, he is not going to lose hope until he knows for sure."

***BB***

"I don't want to talk about it, Linda," Danny stated as he was fixing himself another glass of whiskey.

Linda observed him with her watchful eye. It has already been his fourth glass that night.

"Honey, I really think you should not be drinking so much," she suggested carefully, although she knew her words were somewhat rhetorical because her husband was obviously trying to get drunk. He did that every year on the anniversary of Jamie's disappearance, but this year he started drinking a day earlier.

She decided to ignore it because she knew how hard it was for everyone in their family to get over the fact that Jamie had disappeared already six years ago.

"Honey," Linda addressed her husband as they sat on the couch next to each other, "you might want to consider talking to someone about what happened to Jamie if you don't want to talk to me."

"There is nothing to talk about, Linda," the detective replied resignedly. "The kid is gone, end of the story."

"Yeah, Danny, but that's the problem. Jamie might have been gone, but he is still pretty much present, isn't he?" Linda asked her husband worriedly. She knew that the last six years were hell for her family, but at the same time, she was well aware that they had to keep living their lives so they could survive the pain of losing Jamie and perhaps eventually be able to move with their lives.

"I can still see him, Linda," the detective whispered as few tears escaped his puffy eyes. "It's like he just closed the doors behind him… I don't know if this will ever stop," Danny whispered between the sobs.

"Oh, Danny," Linda whispered as she embraced her husband in her loving arms while she rubbed his shivering back.


	4. The Dead Boy

"Commissioner," detective Baker addressed her boss as she walked into his office. It was Tuesday morning. It was drizzling outside as could have been expected in late November. It would soon be the holiday season Frank had thought before his secretary interrupted him from his thoughts. He wondered whether he should cancel the holidays because he was in no mood to celebrate this year, but then it was the favorite time of the year for Nicki who loved the holidays.

"What is it, Abigail?" The commissioner asked the young woman as he raised his head from his desk.

"Sir, Sergeant Gormley from the 54th precinct just called to inform us that human remains have been recovered in Western Brooklyn… Sir, sergeant Gormley believes that the body might be related to your son's case..." Baker paused for a moment before she broke the news to the commissioner, "he believes it might be your son."

The commissioner just closed his eyes. He dreaded this day ever since Jamie has gone missing that awful day six years ago. Deep inside, he knew this day might have come. He knew that there was a chance that one day they will retrieve his son's body, but he always believed that they would find his son alive.

The commissioner took a deep breath, trying to compose himself.

"Where was the body found?" He asked drily as if there was no emotion left inside of him.

"Not far away from Jamie's old school...," his assistant replied with a heavy heart.

Frank just nodded his head. "Alright," he mumbled, "Baker, call my detail and tell them we're heading out," he instructed his longtime aide as he was getting ready to leave the office.

"Sir," Baker interrupted him as he was about to leave. "I don't think it's wise for you to go to the scene. Why don't you wait for the autopsy report so we know for sure it's him," she suggested carefully, minding the boundaries.

"Baker, I need to see him with my own eyes," the chief of police remained determined.

"But, sir, it has been many years, and the body will probably be in some phase of decomposition... I don't think that's something any parent should see," she tried to reason with him.

The commissioner knew she was right, but it was his child they were talking about. He had to be there when they lift his remains. It was his duty as Jamie's father.

"Baker, I need to be there," he turned to her, "especially, if it is Jamie. I need to make sure that they treat my child right." He uttered the last words with a shaking voice for had to swallow the tears that were now coming to his tired eyes.

"Then let me just got with you," Baker persisted for she wasn't going to let the commissioner go to the crime scene alone. Not when the chances were it might have been Jamie.

"Fine," he mumbled, but truth to be told he was grateful that Baker was going with him for he didn't want to be doing this alone. He originally thought about calling pops, but then he came to a conclusion that his father's heart might not withstand it.

*****BB*****

"So, where is he?" Frank Reagan asked his oldest son as he and detective Baker arrived at the crime scene. He was secretly glad to see Danny was on the scene too, although he wished Danny didn't have to see his brother's remains.

"Over there," Danny pointed out with a heavy sight. As a detective he has seen a lot but being at the scene with a dead body that could easily belong to his kid brother, well, that surely was a whole new story.

"You sure you want to see him?" Danny asked his dad as they were walking slowly to a shallow grave with human remains in it. "It's not a nice look."

"I have to see him, Danny!" The broken man told his son the same he previously said his assistant.

"Commissioner," the NYPD pathologist greeted him as they came closer to the scene.

"Tod," Frank nodded his head towards an old friend of his who has been working as NYPD's pathologist ever since he joined the force. The commissioner felt a little bit relieved when he found out that Jamie will be in good hands of his trusted friend and colleague.

Frank took a deep breath before he kneeled to the body. It wasn't a pleasant look. The chief of police didn't have to be a pathologist to see that the skull was perforated. He swallowed hard as he kept examining the body. Slowly, centimeter by centimeter. When he took a good look at the body, he stood up. He closed his eyes for a moment, silently saying a prayer in his head before he spoke again.

'It's not him," he announced. "That's not my boy!"

Danny just exchanged a concerned look with detective Baker and the pathologist. None of them sure what they should say to the grieving man.

"Dad...," Danny started carefully, "let's rather wait for the autopsy report before we rule out the possibility that it's him for sure," the detective suggested carefully. He knew how his father could be stubborn sometimes.

"Fine," the commissioner replied, "but I'm telling you, it's not him!"

Danny and Baker just exchanged another concerned look before Baker addressed their boss this time.

"Sir, if I may, how can you be so sure?" She asked the chief of police. Naturally, she wished nothing but that boy not to be Jamie, but the chances were against them. There were just too many similarities. The estimated age, the time of death…

"At the time, when Jamie has disappeared, he measured approximately 53 inches, he never was tall..., yet, this boy must be good 58 inches," he pointed out confidently. After all, he has been a detective for twenty-five years before he became the chief of police.

Danny just gave the pathologist a questioning look, wordlessly asking him his professional opinion.

"Well, it's possible…," the older man admitted as he too inspected the body, "but I would very much like to avoid any speculation before we have the results from the autopsy...," he stated evasively.

"Do what you have to do, but that boy is not my son...," Frank repeated. Although he felt relieved that the boy wasn't Jamie, he couldn't help but wonder whether it wouldn't be more merciful for them if they knew for sure what happened to their youngest.

He closed his eyes for a moment so he could swallow the tears which were coming to his eyes. He wasn't feeling well. His head was spinning, and his breath was fast, but he didn't want anyone to worry about him and therefore he turned to his assistant swiftly:

"We're done here," he said towards Baker, trying hard not to let anyone his emotions. He then gave the boy's remains one last sad look before he mumbled "rest in peace, little one" and left the scene with Baker in his toes.

Danny looked after them shocked not understanding how his father could be so calm when it could easily have been their Jamie? He would have to have a word with his father later, but at the moment he had work to do.

But in reality, his father was far away from being calm.

At their way back to the office he asked the driver to make a quick stop at the local cemetery where his beloved wife Mary was buried. He asked Baker to wait for him at the car as he walked alone to his wife's grave. He wasn't quite sure what made him go here at this time of the day. He just felt that he needed to talk to her.

"I'll bring him home, Mary," the chief of police whispered as he laid his hand on the tombstone when he came to her grave, "I promise!"

He stayed silently in front of his wife's grave before he returned to the car a half hour later, and without a single word, he gave his driver a single nod, letting him know that they could leave now.

On the way back to 1 PP, the commissioner kept thinking about his youngest son. Where could he be? And how come they never found him? Was his son going to be among those cases of missing children that will never be solved?

As the door to his office closed behind him, Frank could suddenly feel the uneasy feeling in his chest. His hands were shaking, and his breath was shallow. He thought he was most likely having a heart attack. He came slowly over to his desk so he could pour himself a glass of water, but his hands were shaking so badly that he spilled most of the water all over his desk. His collar felt tight, and with his left hand, he started opening the buttons of his shirt. He needed to breathe but he couldn't. He managed to press the buzzer on his desk which connected him immediately with his assistant who was sitting outside of his office.

"Baker, I need you in my office, right now," he choked out as he was fighting for every breath.

I took only a few seconds for detective Baker to come into her boss' office.

"Oh my God," she cried out as she walked in and found her boss in a state which scared the crap out of her. "Are you alright?" She asked, immediately realizing how stupid her question was for the commissioner was not alright.

"Baker, I need you to call the doctor for me. But, Abigail, do it discreetly," he pleaded her for he didn't need the whole 1PP to know that the commissioner was having health issues.

"But boss," Baker insisted, "what if you have a heart attack?" She asked as she kept looking at him with terror in her eyes.

"Baker, do as I told you." The commissioner insisted as he kept unbuttoning his shirt.

**TBC**


	5. Stone Cold

*****BB*****

"I mean, you should have seen him, Joe," Danny told his brother as the two brothers were in their favorite Irish Pub, having some beers. "He was just so cold like it didn't involve him at all."

"Maybe it's his way of coping," Joe guessed as he was thinking about their father. "Naturally, losing Jamie was devastating for all of us, but for a moment dad thought he might get closure after all these years. I mean, let's face it, according to what you, pops, and Renzulli have been telling me the chances that Jamie could be still alive are very small. However, until we don't find his body, dad will always doubt whether he isn't alive. No matter how improbable that might be..," the young police officer stated as he was grasping a bottle of beer in his right hand.

"As you said, little brother, it's improbable that Jamie could be still alive...," the detective just shook his head sadly.

"I know it has been haunting dad for years now. He blames himself for Jamie's disappearance. But ever since mum died, he is even worse."

"Yeah, I noticed he hasn't been doing well lately," Joe sighed heavily as he kept thinking about their father.

"It's not a secret that he has got problems with his blood pressure and he is overall exhausted. Besides, pops said that he hasn't been sleeping much lately… He needs to take it easy, or he is going to collapse," the detective worried.

"You think we should try talking to him whether staying as the commissioner of the NYPD is a good idea?" Joe questioned knowing how exhausting their father's job could be.

"I don't know, Joe. On the one hand, I want dad to slow down and take some time for himself, but on the other, the job keeps him occupied. It keeps him from being constantly thinking about Jamie," Danny stated honestly.

"So, what are we going to do? I don't want to bury another parent." Joe asked his brother hopelessly.

"Well, that's a million dollar question," Danny uttered sadly as he was nursing the drunk between his hands.

*****BB*****

**(at the same time in 1 PP)**

"So it wasn't a heart attack?" Garrett asked the doctor as he was finishing examining the commissioner in his office.

Not only did detective Baker call the doctor, but she also called commissioner's DCPI and his best friend at the same time Garrett Moore.

"No," the doctor shook his head dissatisfied as he was checking Frank's blood pressure. "Up to the roof," he mumbled towards his patient, "as expected."

"You sure?" Garrett asked nervously, pacing there and back.

"Hundred percent positive," the doctor assured him.

"Would you just sit down, you're making me nervous," the commissioner said to his friend.

"So what was it then if it wasn't a heart attack?" DCPI Garrett Moore wanted to know.

"Rather a weakness," the older doctor pointed out as he finished checking the commissioner. He then turned back to his patient: "Did something happen today that might have upset you?" He asked.

Frank gave Baker a brief look before he turned his head back to the doctor.

"I thought we might have found Jamie for a minute," the commissioner uttered weakly. His voice was barely a whisper. He knew the doctor for many years for he has been their family doctor ever since his oldest son Danny was born, and naturally he was familiar with Jamie's case.

"What?" Garrett asked shocked, unable to believe that he knew nothing about it. "When? Where? And how come I haven't heard anything about it yet? "

Frank just sighed heavily as he was about to turn to his long-time friend, but Baker came to his help.

"A body of a boy approximately in Jamie's age was recovered this morning in West Brooklyn. However, the commissioner is pretty certain that it isn't Jamie thanks to the fact that the boy seems to be taller than his son," detective Baker revealed to both men. "Naturally, we will need to wait for the results of the autopsy to rule out this option for sure," the young woman added," but we are pretty certain that it's not him."

"It's not him," the commissioner repeated stubbornly.

"Ok, but if it wasn't him what got you so upset then?" Garrett asked his friend. He knew that the commissioner was a tough guy who didn't get easily distracted or anything, but things have changed ever since Jamie disappeared, and since his wife Mary had died a few months ago.

His friend just sighed heavily. "The idea that it could have been my boy," he uttered in a broken voice. Ever since he saw the body of that dead boy, he kept imagining his own son lying in that shallow grave, and the idea itself was unbearable for the broken father.

"Ok, I'm going to give you something that will help you calm down," the doctor suggested kindly after he heard about Frank's day.

"Should I call someone, commissioner?" Baker asked her boss worriedly. "Perhaps, Erin or Danny?"

"No, I'm fine," Frank dismissed her suggestion immediately. "I'm pretty sure they all had enough worries for today, and I'm the last one they need to worry about."

He winced a little as the doctor pierced the needle through his skin on his left arm as he gave him some tranquilizers.

"You might feel sleepy after this," the doctor announced as he emptied the content of the injection into Frank's vein.

"Thank you," the commissioner mumbled tiredly.

"Why don't you lie down," Garrett suggested once he saw how tired his friend looked.

"You are worse than Mary and pops together; you know that, right?" The commissioner made a small joke of his friend as he gave Garrett a weak smile.

But DCPI Garrett Moore knew far too well that his friend, the man he looked up to, wasn't doing ok.

"You really need to take it easy, sir," Baker pleaded him as she was about to walk the doctor out of the room.

"Here," Garrett stated as he tried to adjust the pillow the commissioner kept in his office when he was working late under Frank's head.

"Would you just stop," the commissioner tried to protest. "I don't need you to mother hen me!"

"Oh, you're wrong. That's exactly what you need right now," his friend assured him as he searched for a blanket that they could cover Frank with.

"Here," Baker uttered as she returned to the room with a warm blanket in her hands. She passed the blanket to Garrett who spread it over Frank's body. His friend was already drifting off, and therefore he couldn't protest.

"I really worry about him," Baker told Garrett as the two of them were silently standing above the sleeping commissioner.

"So am I," the DCPI sighed heavily, giving Baker a sad look.

"I mean, that case took him really hard," Baker pointed out not letting her sight off her boss.

"I'm afraid, it hit real close to home," Garrett uttered as he gave Baker's shoulder a weak squeeze.

"You can go home now, Abigail. I'll make sure he will be ok," the DCPI offered thoughtfully.

"With all due respect, Garrett, I'm not going anywhere," detective Baker insisted. She then added in a low voice: "He is like a father to me. I'm not leaving him! Not now, not ever!"


	6. In My Heart I Keep You

"Erin, it's Abigail," Baker said to her boss's daughter over the phone.

"Hey, Abigail, is everything okay?" Erin asked suspiciously when she heard Baker's voice. Usually, Baker didn't have good news when she was calling her.

"Well, it's about your father...," the young assistant started carefully.

"What? What's with dad?" Erin asked eagerly, worried for her father's wellbeing.

"I'm afraid he had a little health scare today," Baker informed the young mother as gently as she could.

"What health scare?" Erin wanted to know immediately.

"Well, we originally thought he had a heart attack, but the doctor assured us it was only a weakness..."

"Thank God," Erin sight out with relief. "Where is he? Is he in the hospital?"

"No, he is here in his office. He didn't want to make a big deal out of it. He didn't even want me to call you. But I thought you should know," Baker revealed to the young attorney.

"You did the right thing, Abigail," Erin agreed. "Listen, I will be there as soon as possible. I just have to figure out what to do with Nicki after I pick her up from the daycare..."

"I think it's not necessary for you to come over here, he is already sleeping. The doctor gave him something so he could rest...Garrett and I will stay with him throughout the night," detective Baker assured the other woman who was approximately the same age as she was.

"You sure about it?" Erin questioned. She really wanted to be with her father right now, but she had no idea what to do with her little girl, besides she still had some work to do.

"Absolutely," Baker assured her. "I just thought you should know what was happening so you guys could keep an eye on him."

"Alright, thanks for telling me Abigail," Erin replied, "I'll make sure he takes it easier."

"Yeah, but it still must have been a hell of a day for him," commissioner's assistant worried.

"What? What happened today?" Erin asked confused.

"Oh, Danny hasn't told you?" Baker asked surprised.

"Tell me what?" Erin repeated nervously. She had no idea what this was about.

Baker hesitated whether she should tell the commissioner's daughter or not, but then Erin had the right to know for she, after all, was Jamie's sister.

"We found a body earlier today, and for a moment we thought it might have been Jamie," Baker started.

"Oh, God!" Escaped Erin's mouth. Her eyes were full of tears as she remembered her little brother who was considered to be deceased.

"But the commissioner is pretty certain that it's not him," Baker assured her.

"How can dad be so sure?" Erin uttered between the sobs. Although it has already been six years since Jamie disappeared it still felt like yesterday. That sweet little boy.

"Well, the boy was apparently taller than your brother, that's also why your father is convinced it's not him. Yet, we will know for sure after the results from forensics..."

"Wait, how does dad know he was taller?" Erin wondered. But then it doomed on her. After all, she grew up in a family full of cops.

"He went to see the body?" She cried out. No wonder he had a weakness that reminded a heart-attack. The young woman thought to herself.

"He did," Baker nodded her head sadly. "Although, I did my best to convince him not to. But then, it's his child we are trying to find. Besides, he is the chief of police. He has every right to do whatever he decides," the loyal employee sighed tiredly. It was a long day.

*****BB*****

"Why didn't you tell me?" Erin asked angrily as she threw her handbag at the bar where originally Danny rested his hand as she was taking her coat off.

Fortunately, one of her friends agreed to watch after Nicki so she could have a word with her older brother.

"Excuse me?" Danny asked confused. He was about to take a sip from his bottle when he was met with Erin who seemed as if she was ready for a fight.

"I'm asking why didn't you tell me that you might have found Jamie," she asked her brother again.

"Well, that's maybe because we didn't find him. We just found some remains which could have been his, but they turned out not to," Danny defended himself.

"Don't you think I would have wanted to know that?" Erin asked irritated, raising her eyebrows as she was talking to Danny.

"Why would you want to know?" The detective wondered. "Erin, haven't you heard? The remains weren't even his."

"Yeah, Danny, but I would have expected you to tell me so I could at least check on dad," Erin pointed out.

"Is there something with dad?" Danny wondered. "He seemed okay to me."

"Well, according to Baker dad had a little health scare after he returned from the scene," Erin pointed out angrily.

"He did what?" Danny uttered shocked. "The old man alright?"

"Yeah, he is. Fortunately, it wasn't a heart attack, but rather someone kind of weakness. I think we should go and see him tomorrow," Erin, who was worried about her father ever since Baker told her, suggested.

"Yeah, sure," Danny agreed. "Is he at the hospital?" The detective wanted to know.

"No, he didn't want to go there. He is at the office. Garrett and Baker are staying there with him tonight. Originally, I wanted to go there, but Abigail told me the doctor gave him something so he should be sleeping the whole night."

"Oh, God, I'm such an idiot!" Danny cursed for himself.

"What's going on?" His sister wanted to know.

"I was with him earlier today, how come I didn't see he was not alright? I mean, I thought it would be devastating for him to come to the scene and see Jamie, but when he inspected that child and found out that it wasn't Jamie, he seemed fine. I should have known better!" Danny berated himself.

"Yeah, we should have all know better by know how distressing any news relating to Jamie can be for him."

*****BB*****

The commissioner spent the night at the office. Garrett called Henry so the former chief of police wouldn't worry. He told him some made-up story that Frank fell asleep in his office and that he didn't want to wake him for the commissioner seemed really exhausted. No surprise, Henry has bought it without too much questioning.

It wasn't a lie, but also not the whole truth. Yet, Baker and Garrett agreed that they won't tell Henry anything because they didn't want the old man to worry.

"Baker and I had a little chat last night after you drifted off," Garrett revealed to his friend as the two of them were sitting alone in commissioner's office after Frank finally woke up. He has been asleep for twelve whole hours.

"You did?" Frank asked somewhat rhetorically than that he was really interested in what the two of them were talking about.

"Come on, Frank, Abigail really cares about you, Frank," Garrett revealed to his friend.

"I know she does," the commissioner nodded his head, "I care about her too."

"She even compared you to a father," Garrett announced to his friend carefully, not sure how he might react, taking into consideration that he was still grieving for his youngest son.

"Yeah," Frank sighed again." I care about her deeply too. It's just what kind of father would let his ten-year-old son leave the house without going after him?" The commissioner's voice died out.

"Frank," Garrett stated kindly, "it wasn't your fault! You couldn't have known that Jamie won't come home," the DCPI tried to soothe him.

"I should have, Garrett," the chief of police uttered with a heavy heart, "I should have known!"

There was a knock on the door and soon after detective Baker walked in.

"Sir," she addressed her boss, "I have the autopsy report of the boy we found yesterday," she announced sadly. "You were right, it wasn't Jamie.

The commissioner just took a deep breath, already in his let's get back to the business, shall we mode. "Is there something interesting in that report?" He asked.

"I'm afraid the boy was abused before his death, sir," Baker uttered weakly, handing the report to her boss.

She could see Frank swallowed hard. The one thing he dreaded the most, besides that the boy was his own son, was that the child was abused before his death.

"That's what I was afraid of, "he mumbled as he opened the report and started reading it.

*****BB*****

"Hey, what brings you here tonight?" Henry asked his grandson detective Daniel Reagan when he saw him enter the house.

"Hey pops," Danny replied, "is dad home yet?"

"No," the former commissioner shook his head, "I don't expect him to come home at least for another thirty minutes," he announced to Danny.

"Hey, guys," Joe greeted them as he opened the front door only to be followed by Erin who came only a few seconds after him.

"What are you all doing here?" Their grandfather wondered.

"Come on, gramps, can't we just come home to spend some time with you?" Danny teased the old man.

"Ha," Henry laughed, "on Tuesday evening? I don't think so." The former chief of police shook his head. "Besides, you should have called in advance, I would have made you some dinner. But because you didn't, I have only the soup I made for your father," Henry revealed to his grandchildren.

"Soup is just fine, gramps," Joe assured him as he was helping Erin out of her coat.

"Yeah, whatever is fine with me too," Danny agreed. "It will be my first sit-down meal this week," the detective complained.

"You still haven't explained to me why you all came here tonight," Henry repeated his initial question as they all went back to the kitchen so the patriarch of the Reagan family could serve his grandchildren some dinner.

"We came to see dad," Erin revealed to their grandfather after she exchanged a brief look with her brothers, wondering whether they should tell Henry about what was going on.

"Well, I kind of figured out you didn't come for me," the former commissioner mumbled.

"Come on, grams, we love you, you know that right?" Erin asked her grandfather hastily.

"I know you do, sweetheart," Henry teased her, "I was just testing you."

"Oh, Gramps! How could you?" Erin pretended to be mad at her grandfather.

"So what really brings you here tonight?" Henry asked again.

"Yesterday Baker called me, and she told me dad had some kind of health scare at the office. I wanted to come, but she assured me she and Garrett had it under control. Besides, according to Baker dad didn't want us to know." Erin explained to her grandfather as she remembered the phoned call she had with Baker.

"What kind of health scare?" Henry inquired nervously.

"Well, Baker told me that originally she thought he had a heart attack, but the doctor assured them that it was just some kind of weakness or something, I don't really understand what that's supposed to be..." Erin shrugged her shoulders apologetically.

"I'm telling him he needs to take it easy all the time," the former commissioner cried out upset. He and Francis had this conversation countless times. "But he just won't listen."

"Gramps," Danny uttered weekly, "I'm afraid dad had a pretty good reason to have a health scare," the detective suggested carefully.

"What are you talking about?" Henry asked his grandson confused. "This wouldn't have happened if your father wasn't overstretching himself all the time!"

"I'm afraid it would," the young detective gave his grandfather a sad smile.

The Reagan patriarch looked at him as if he didn't understand what Danny was trying to tell him.

"Listen, gramps, we found a body yesterday, and for a moment we thought it could have been our Jamie," Danny explained as gently as he could to the old man, being well aware of the pain even a slightest mention about his baby brother who disappeared six years ago brought to their hearts.

"Oh my God," came out of Henry's mouth. "But it wasn't him, right?" He wanted to make sure.

"No, it wasn't," the detective shook his head. "Dad drew that option out almost immediately… the boy we found was according to dad good 58 inches tall, while our Jamie had only about 53 inches at the time he disappeared." Danny explained.

"He went to see the body?" The former commissioner asked horrified.

"What do you think?" Danny raised his eyebrows. "If your child disappeared six years ago wouldn't you want to know for sure what happened to him?"

There was a long silence when neither one of them was saying anything. They were all just lost in their memories of that sweet little boy and his big goofy smile.

They were all still lost in their thoughts when the side door to the kitchen opened, and the commissioner walked in.

"Hey, what are you all doing here?" He asked surprised when he saw all his children sitting around the table with pops eating their soups.

Erin stood up immediately and ran to her father to give him a warm hug only to be followed by Joe who hugged their father simultaneously from the other side.

"I don't know how I deserved that, but it's nice to know that you are appreciated even by your grown-up children," the commissioner smiled, embracing each one of his children with his hands.

Joe and Erin just kept cuddling to their father as if they were never going to let him go.

"Alright the two of you, let go of your father so he can have some dinner. He surely must be hungry," their grandfather interrupted them after a while.

As the commissioner went around the table towards his usual seat, he gave Danny's shoulder a tight squeeze. It was their way of showing their affection for each other for neither one of them was really a kind of guy who showed their emotions. But then, Frank got softer after what happened with Jamie, plus when his wife died, he realized he needed to show more affection towards his remaining children, especially towards Erin and Joe who were asking not only for his attention but also his love.

"So, what were you guys talking about?" Frank asked as he sat down. "Thanks, pops," he thanked Henry who gave him a bowl with some left-over soup.

"Ehm, nothing...," Joe lied, looking hastily away from his father's eyes.

The commissioner just looked at them one by one.

"You have never been a good liar, Joe, you know that right?" The commissioner asked his son.

Joe just gave his siblings a helpless look, wordlessly begging them for help.

"We were just talking about that boy we found yesterday," Danny revealed to their father as the commissioner was about to take a sip of his soup.

"I see," Frank sighed heavily, putting his spoon down.

There was a silence when Frank was pretending that there was nothing more compelling than Mary's old China.

The rest of the family just exchanged a hopeless look.

"Why didn't you tell us anything, Francis?" Henry broke the silence.

"Because it wasn't him, pops," the commissioner stated calmly.

"And why haven't you told us about your health scare either?" Erin questioned.

The commissioner just stopped for a moment.

"Baker told you, huh?" He asked before he took a sip from his soup which was getting cold.

"Come on, dad, she worries about you, we all do!" His daughter cried out.

"Erin, I'm doing just fine as far as I'm concerned," Frank insisted.

"This case is too much for you, dad," Erin started carefully, "don't you think it would be a good idea to leave it to someone else?"

"Erin, I'm the chief of police, I'll decide when it's time to hand the case over if you would let me!" The commissioner stated strictly. He didn't mean to be harsh with his daughter, but when it came to finding Jamie, nothing was more important than that.

"But, dad, you have got thirty thousands of trained officers on your command, and I'm pretty sure that the majority of them are well-abled. So, why do you have to overstretch yourself when Jamie has already been gone for six years," Erin urged, worried for her father's wellbeing.

"Because that's my boy who is still out there," Frank raised his voice.

He just had it enough.

"Whether he is alive or not," he continued after a while a little bit calmer when he overcame the initial anger.

"And that's also why I have to find him, to bring home so he can be with us or to be laid to rest next to his mother," the commissioner stated decisively.

"Now, if you would excuse me, I have a work to do," he announced right before he stood up and left the room, leaving the rest of his family speechless.

"That went well," Joe whistled when the commissioner has left.

"Couldn't you just drop it, Erin?" Danny asked his sister annoyed.

"What did I do?" Erin tried to defend herself.

*****BB*****

Joe knocked on the door to their father's study.

"Ehm, dad, can I come in?" He asked his father as he peeked into the room.

The commissioner just looked up from the file he was reading.

"What do you want, Joe?" He asked. He still hasn't forgotten about the argument he just had with Erin a few moments ago.

"I came to apologize," Joe uttered as he walked closer to his father, "we had no right to tell you what you should or shouldn't do," he spoke in a low voice as he sat down opposite to the commissioner.

"Not, you hadn't," Frank agreed.

"What are you reading?" The young police officer asked curiously.

"It's just that boy's autopsy report. I'm trying to find something that could lead us to Jamie," the commissioner revealed to his son.

"What makes you believe that there is some kind of connection that could lead us to Jamie?" Joe questioned.

"Well, first of all, they were about the same age, and second, he was in that ground for six years, which corresponds with the time when Jamie has disappeared." The commissioner counted out. "I just wish we already had his identification so we could find out whether he and Jamie had something else in common," the older man uttered with a sad voice.

"Dad," Joe interrupted him, "we are really worried about you...," he stated carefully. "I mean, thank God it wasn't heart-attack..., why don't you take some rest and let the detectives to their work?" Joe kept pressuring his father.

"Joe, I have to know," Frank told his son with a broken voice.

"Every night I wake up at 4:21 wondering whether Jamie is alive or not. And if he is, where is he? Is he safe? Is he cold... I'm pretty sure that If I go on like this sooner or later, I will go crazy for sure..." the broken man entrusted to his middle son.

"Dad...," Joe took his father's hand and gave it a soft squeeze, "you still have us," he reminded to the broken man. "We need you too!"

"I know that," the commissioner whispered, "but I still need to find out what happened to our Jamie. You understand that, right?" Frank asked his son as he was looking into Joe's eyes.

"Yeah, I do," Joe agreed. After all, he was a police officer too.

"Just take it easy, dad," the young man pleaded him, "because neither one of us could survive if something happened to you too," Joe whispered as he leaned to his father and planted a kiss on the top of his head. Something he didn't often do. But he felt the urgency to express his emotions for the man who raised him and whom he owed everything for becoming the man he was today.

"I love you too, Joe," Frank whispered. They didn't need the words to speak the same language at this moment

*****BB*****

"I just want him home, pops," the commissioner admitted to his father as the two men were sitting together in the living when everyone else has already left. Joe and Erin took the taxi back to the city, while Danny headed to Staten Island.

As for Frank and Henry the two men were now nursing their whiskey in their hands, remembering their sweet little boy.

Henry gave his son a sad look.

"He was just such an adorable child," the former commissioner remembered their little one. He has always loved the children equally, but they all agreed Jamie was exceptional. He was such a ray of sunshine, that little giggle.

"Yes, he was," the commissioner nodded his head sadly.

"I don't even remember what that fight was about…, must have been something stupid...Not a day goes by that I don't regret it...," Frank whispered.

"Francis, Jamie knew you loved him, he did," Henry assured him as he gave his forearm a tight squeeze. "And he loved you back! You just have to forgive yourself!"

"But how can I, dad? When it is was my fault that my son went missing." The commissioner questioned, unable to let go of his little boy. He knew that Jamie will always be in his heart until his eyes close shut forever.

*****BB*****

**AN:**

**Longer chapter today. Let me guys know what you thought. Do you think Jamie is alive? How do you think this will turn out? Good news, guys, in the next chapter we will shift the story forward in a new direction. **


	7. Would You Know My Name

It was a drizzly morning not long before Thanksgiving when the commissioner saw something. At first, he didn't really pay attention to it, but then he started to think about it as the day progressed. And more he thought about it, the more he felt haunted.

That morning Frank was in a hurry for he had a meeting with the mayor at 9 a.m. at his office but thanks to the fact that it was a rush hour his driver got stuck in a traffic jam.

He looked nervously at the watch on his wrist. It was already a quarter to nine. "Damn it, he was going to be late!" He cursed in his head.

Frank sighed heavily before he turned to his driver:

"You know what, John? I think I will walk from here," the commissioner announced suddenly right before he opened the door to his car. After all, they were approximately one block away from 1PP, and with a little luck, he would be able to get there before the mayor.

Raindrops kept falling on his head as he walked swiftly towards the Police Plaza. It was freezing cold, and therefore he pulled his coat closer to his chest to prevent the cold from getting to him. He was quite lucky to see that the building was right in front of him. He was just about to enter the back entrance to 1PP when he saw something that caught his attention.

It was nothing but yet he could not just let it be.

On the opposite side of the road, he glanced a small group of homeless men who decided to build their modest shelters in a park right in front of 1PP.

The commissioner just raised his eyebrows. Naturally, he felt terrible for these people mainly because it was often their unfortunate life that has brought them here on the street, but on the other hand, he as the police commissioner could hardly tolerate them camping right in front of the Police Plaza. If it was somewhere else then, maybe, he could have overlooked it, but he could hardly do so when they were camping right under his windows.

He would have to have a word with Garrett and see what they can do about their situation. Or maybe he could first call the archbishop whether his church didn't have some accommodation for these men in one of the religious charities. Frank thought for himself as he entered the back entrance to 1PP.

"Good morning, sir," the old gatekeeper named George, who worked there even when his father was commissioner, greeted him. "I see you decided to take the back entrance today."

George gave him a smirk. He knew Frank ever since he was a young police officer, and therefore, he was quite candid when he spoke to him.

"Morning, George," Frank greeted the old man, sincerely.

"I'm afraid, John and I got stuck in a traffic jam again. So I had no choice but to take a walk to the office... that way, I can at least clear my head...," he shrugged his shoulders.

"That's good to hear, sir," George replied, nodding his head in agreement.

Out of sudden, they heard some commotion coming from the group of homeless men Frank noticed earlier.

He and George turned both towards them see they could see what was happening.

Two men were fighting over some bottle of Vodka.

"I told the boys from the 1st to do something about them already a few days ago, but as you can see, nothing has happened yet," George lamented. He was old school. He didn't like it when someone was taking their time to do their job.

Frank just nodded his head. "I'll see what I can do about it," he promised as he was about to leave when George mentioned something that caught his attention: "There is a kid among them."

"A kid?" The commissioner asked, surprised. Not sure what George meant by that.

"Have the social workers been notified?" He asked as he kept thinking about what George has just told him.

"Well, it's difficult to say whether the kid is fifteen or eighteen…, you know how kids are these days…, but he seems pretty young, much younger than the others..." the old man shrugged his shoulders apologetically.

"Alright, I'll talk to Garrett, and we will see what we can do about it," Frank promised again before he said his goodbye to George. "I hope you will have a good day, George!"

"You too, sir," the old gatekeeper replied.

*****BB*****

**(later that day)**

"There is just one more thing I want to talk to you about before you go," the commissioner said to his DCPI at the end of their daily briefing.

"I noticed this morning when I was taking the back entrance to 1PP that there was a group of homeless men residing right in our neighborhood, more precisely in that park across the street… I was hoping you could do something about it," Frank said to his friend.

"Of course, what do you want me to do?" Garrett questioned as he closed the files he previously discussed with the commissioner.

"Well, I was thinking about contacting the local religious charities to begin with, although I got the impression that most likely not everyone will be willing to relocate in some kind of facility," the commissioner pointed out, "however, we cannot look away from this, not when they decided to reside right in front of our building."

"Right, I'll make the calls," Garrett assured Frank as he was about to leave the office.

"Thank you," his friend replied. "And one more thing, Garrett, George mentioned there was a boy among the group. He wasn't sure about his age, but I want you to find out and get the social services involved, if necessary."

"Consider it done," his friend replied as he opened the door to his office.

"Thank you," Frank called after Garrett as his DCPI was leaving the room.

*****BB*****

**(next day)**

Next day the commissioner watched the group of homeless men being taken away one by one from the window in his office. He couldn't help it but feel sorry for them. It was the soft and kind side of him his late wife admired about him the most. He wished she could have been here with him so he wouldn't feel so much pain. The pain he felt ever since Jamie went missing. He knew he was feeling miserable because he felt bad for those men and women at the street downstairs and therefore he walked back to his desk, hoping he would be able to get some work done before it would be too late and it will be time for him to return home.

About an hour later, Garrett walked into his office to let him know that they were finished.

"It's done," Garrett announced to Frank who was just going through some files on his desk as usual, "five of them were placed at the local charities, seven declined, and two were arrested for previous misconducts," his DCPI counted out.

"Good," the commissioner nodded his head. At least there was a chance that those five souls could be saved.

"What about the boy?" He remembered suddenly.

"Unfortunately, the boy ran away during the swoop," Garrett revealed to his friend as he took the seat in front of Frank's desk.

"You saw him?" His friend wanted to know as he put down the file he was previously reading.

"Only briefly," Garrett revealed.

"Was he really a child?" Frank wanted to know.

"I guess, but I only saw him for a brief moment," the DCPI stated apologetically.

"Alright," Frank nodded his head, "I guess, that's all for tonight."

"How about we go out tonight?" Garrett proposed, hopefully. "You haven't really been anywhere ever since Mary died." He said to his friend as Frank was going through the pile on his desk, looking for some file.

"That's hardly true, I'm out at least two times a week as the commissioner, remember?" The chief of police reminded his friend.

"Yeah, but I was talking about you, Frank Reagan, not the PC. Why don't we go to O'Kellys tonight and get some beers, besides I could introduce you to that reporter Kelly Davidson," Garrett suggested carefully.

"Maybe some other time," Frank uttered tiredly before he added: "It's still soon for me to go out."

"Frank, Mary wouldn't want you to grieve for her," Garrett pointed out, remember his friend's late wife, "or at least not for the rest of your life!"

"I'm tired, Garrett," the commissioner uttered in a low voice, "some other time. "

*****BB*****

**(later that evening)**

"Long night," George pointed out when he saw the PC leaving 1PP late that night. It was already after 10 p.m.

"Yes, it was," the commissioner agreed. He was tired and hungry, and he wanted nothing but to go home, have some of that delicious pot roast pops was making and wash it off with one beer before he falls to the bed.

"I saw Garrett took care of those homeless men," the old gatekeeper pointed out as the commissioner was about to get into his waiting car.

"Yeah, he did, "Frank replied.

"Funny thing, I could swear, I saw the kid return," Gorge mentioned suddenly.

Frank just stopped in his tracks.

"What do you mean he returned?" He asked the old man.

"He is back in the park. He was sleeping in a cartoon box…," Gorge revealed to the commissioner.

At this moment, Frank just heard enough. This had to stop. No child was about to sleep on the street, not on his watch. He told himself before he turned to his driver:

"John, could you just wait for me here?" He asked his driver as he handed him his briefcase. "I need to take care of something."

And he headed towards the park where he saw the group of homeless men the day before.

It was long dark, and he could barely recognize the outlines of something that reminded an old carton box under the tree where the group of homeless men had their shelters before they were evicted.

Someone was apparently inside because the box was slightly shaking.

Frank wasn't really thinking about what he was doing when he bent down and peaked inside.

And then he saw him. A young boy sleeping inside. Frank couldn't see much of his face for the boy was curled into a ball to keep warm. But then the boy moved, and tiny bits of light coming from the nearby street lamp felt on his face.

Frank couldn't believe his eyes.

The boy kind of reminded him of Jamie or at least how the commissioner imagined Jamie would look like at this age.

He wasn't sure whether he didn't just imagine it, but he could swear that the child was his Jamie.

"Jamie," the commissioner addressed the boy when he overcame the initial shock. His voice was shaking for he couldn't believe it. His son was there, right in front of him.

His calling woke up the boy.

He looked at him timidly, not saying a single word. There was no question that the boy was scared.

"You don't have to be afraid, son, it's me, dad," Frank addressed the boy with a soft voice as he was trying to come closer to him.

But the boy who didn't know what to expect pulled away.

"It's ok, Jamie. It's me, I'm gonna take you home," the commissioner told the boy. His eyes were full of tears. "You're shaking with cold," Frank uttered when he saw the that the boy was obviously cold, "let me get you a warm blanket," he suggested before he turned to his drive.

"John, could you bring me a blanket," the commissioner shouted loudly towards his driver.

But he shouldn't have done it because the boy used the opportunity that he turned around and ran away.

"Damn it!" Frank cursed.

He thought about going after the boy for a moment, but then he refused the idea for he could have scared the kid even more and therefore he decided to let him go.

He even didn't know whether the kid was Jamie, or he just wished him to be his son.

He was ridiculous. The commissioner berated himself. There was no way that the boy could have been his son. And even if, why would he run away? It couldn't have been because of that stupid argument he and Jamie had years ago. Plus, if it was his son, why wouldn't he just come home if he has been all these years in New York?

Besides, as he watched the boy run away, he realized he was limping, he must have had something with his leg. Jamie could always walk normally unless he hurt his leg recently.

It can't be him! The commissioner berated himself. It just can't.

But then he remembered those beautiful hazel eyes that stared at him shyly.

If only the boy didn't run away. Frank thought as he was walking slowly back to his car.

Where was that boy going to sleep tonight? He wondered. Hopefully, he will return to his improvised shelter next to 1PP where George could keep an eye on him or worse he will be somewhere out there, mindlessly strolling the streets of New York City. Or he could be spending the night under some bridge with other homeless men, who were drunk or even on drugs.

Frank prayed for that boy's safety as he neared his driver John and George.

**TBC**

**AN:**

**Hey guys, I just wanted to tell you that I loved your ideas so much! The idea of Jamie being held by a cult almost made me rewrite my story entirely. That was so great! I also liked the idea of someone who could not have their own children abducting Jamie or a crazy person. Really love when you share your thoughts, so inspiring... But then, I hope I won't let you down what I have planned for Jamie and Frank, or maybe it's something you never saw coming. Who knows? Take care, guys!**


	8. Building Bridges

The next morning Frank couldn't wake early enough. He hastily got dressed and rushed to his office without even having breakfast or saying a proper goodbye to pops. The ride to 1PP was nerve-wracking for the commissioner feared whether he will find the boy back in the park or not.

He even didn't wait for his driver to open the door for him and jumped out of the car the moment it stopped at Police Plaza's parking lot.

The commissioner rushed to the park, wondering what he will find there.

He felt relieved once he saw the boy's head peeking out of the old cartoon box. The boy was still sleeping, probably because he came back late last night or early this morning.

Frank came a little bit closer to the boy, but not too much for he feared he could make the boy run again.

He tried to have a better look at the boy this time. The similarities with his son were undeniable. At least judging by the features, Frank could see from his angle. The hair color was the same. He had got the same nose and even a chin. The rest of his body, Frank could not see for the boy was huddled in an old sleeping bag.

Frank kept observing the boy.

It just didn't make any sense.

Why wouldn't his son just come home if he has been here all the time? Didn't he know who he was when he saw him last night? Didn't he know he was his father?

All these thoughts were running through Frank's head as he was standing there next to the sleeping boy. Although the commissioner wanted nothing but to take the boy home to pops, and probably give him a good bath, he knew it was necessary that he gained the boy's trust first.

It made no sense to call children's services for the boy would most likely run away again.

As the commissioner was standing there in autumn's cold, observing the child right in front of him, he suddenly realized that he most likely didn't have any breakfast yet, and so did Frank.

Frank went to a restaurant nearby and bought some proper breakfast for the boy and himself. Pancakes with maple syrup and hot cocoa for the boy for this used to be Jamie's favorite breakfast when he was a little boy, and some scrambled eggs for him.

He then came back to the park and laid the bag with the boy's breakfast on the ground right in front so he would find it once he was awake.

The commissioner knew he had to leave before the boy would wake up so he could at least have the breakfast in peace without being scared.

It was breaking Frank's heart to leave that child on the street just like that. Besides, he was dying with fear that something could happen to that sweet boy, but once again, he reminded himself that he will make sure that George will keep an eye on him. He made the old gates man promise to call him if something was going on with the boy.

When the commissioner entered his office twenty minutes later, he got caught up by several of his subordinates who wanted to have a quick word with him, he immediately came over to the window and looked outside towards the park. The boy was already awake, and he found the bag with the food Frank left there for him. To commissioner's satisfaction, he already opened the box, and with hungry bites, he started eating its content.

At least the kid had some breakfast today. The commissioner thought for himself, but he was far away from being satisfied.

*****BB*****

"I'm telling you, it just doesn't make any sense for me to go there," Frank protested once Garrett brought up some gala the mayor apparently wanted him to attend.

"Come on, Frank. I have been putting off all your invitations for months by now, it's time for you to get out. Besides, I'm running out of excuses," Garrett informed the commissioner.

"It's too soon, Garrett," the commissioner said to his trusty employee and friend in one person.

"Fran, you have been using Mary as an excuse for quite some time. If I may, I think it's time for you to move on." The DCPI Garrett More made his point.

Frank just sighed heavily and stood up from behind his desk.

Why was nobody listening to him? He thought.

He came over to the window and looked at the street. It was already dark outside. He could see that has lightened up some campfire to keep himself warm.

During the day, the commissioner found himself that he came over to the window several times just to make sure that the boy was okay.

"It's getting late," the commissioner pointed out as he looked at his watch. It was already half past six. It was almost time to go home. Besides, he wanted to check on the boy before he will leave tonight. "Let's wrap it up here. I have some other things I need to take care of before I go," Frank announced to his friend.

"Alright," Garrett nodded his head as he too stood up. He also had to go home, or he would get into troubles with his wife.

"Could you tell Baker to come in before you go?" The commissioner asked Garrett.

"Of course," Garrett agreed.

It took only about a minute, and his assistant detective Baker walked into his office.

"Sir," she addressed her boss.

"Baker, I want you to order some food for me if you could," the commissioner asked his assistant as he was looking at some files in front of him.

"Of course, sir, what would you like?" Baker questioned, ready to fulfill any of his requests.

"Well, I was thinking Mac and cheese and some fried chicken, to begin with. And then probably some milkshake and a desert, ideally, a chocolate one," the commissioner instructed his assistant.

Baker just raised her eyebrows because by now she knew commissioner's taste quite well. Or at least she thought she did.

"Ehm, sir, if I may, you sure you really want that?" She wanted to make sure. "I heard that Junior's is serving their famous spring chicken tonight. I could get you one." She suggested carefully, knowing where was her place.

"It's not for me," The commissioner gave her a kind smile, being a bit amused that Baker thought it was for him. "It's for that boy who lives in the park opposite to 1 PP." He explained.

"A boy?" Baker raised her eyebrows surprised. "Should I notify the social workers, sir?" She questioned.

"No," her boss just shook his head. "Garrett and I already had some interaction with that child, and it only scared him away. So for now, I think it will be for the best if we just made sure that he stays warm, has something to eat and otherwise keep an eye on him before we figure out what to do with him." Frank revealed his plan to Baker.

"Understood," the young woman replied, although naturally, she had her opinion on the situation.

"Thank you, Baker, that will be all for tonight," the commissioner stated as he laid his eyes back on the files he was about to read, letting her know that their conversation was finished.

About thirty minutes later, Frank headed to the park once again, equipped with two bags full of food. He also took one of those blankets his officers kept in their patrol cars in case of need.

He might need to purchase a new, much warmer sleeping bag for the boy. The commissioner thought as he was nearing the place where the boy lived. Why hasn't he thought about that earlier? He berated himself. He could have Baker purchase the bag for him already so the boy could spend this night warm or at least much warmer than he probably was now.

Frank approached the child who was cuddled in his dirty-looking scattered sleeping back, trying to keep warm.

The boy grew instantly nervous once he saw the commissioner nearing him.

"It's alright," Frank told the boy in a kind voice. "I brought you some food," he informed the child as he laid the bag with warm food on the ground within the boy's reach. "I bet you must be hungry."

The boy looked at him suspiciously at first, but then he smelled the fried chicken.

His stomach wobbled, and he realized he hadn't eaten anything the whole day, except for the breakfast Frank brought him earlier that day, but the boy didn't know that.

He opened the bag hastily. With his dirty little fingers, or at least compared to Frank's fingers, they seemed small, he took the fried chicken out, and without hesitation, he took a good bite of it.

But as he was eating his chicken, he kept casting Frank suspicious looks as if he was afraid that he will take the food away from him.

"Alright, why don't I leave you to your dinner," the commissioner suggested once he saw the nervous look the boy was giving him.

"I'll come tomorrow, and I will bring you some more food," he promised. "And one more thing before I go. I brought you this," he announced as he presented the boy with the warm blanket. "It should help you stay warm or at least for tonight."

The boy took the blanket gratefully and pulled it close to his chest as if the commissioner gave him the most valuable thing in the world.

Although Frank wanted desperately to stay, he realized it was more important to gain the boy's trust in the first place, and therefore with a heavy heart, he left the park.

*****BB*****

The next day the commissioner brought the boy not only some warm food, but also a brand new much warmer sleeping bag Baker purchased for him. He also asked his assistant to buy some warm clothes such as a hat, scarf but mainly a new winter jacket. He still didn't have any proof that the boy was his son, but in his mind, he thought that if it were his child, then he would want someone to take care of his boy. And therefore Frank Reagan made a commitment to take care of this child no matter whether it was his Jamie or not.

He kept visiting the boy every morning as he was coming to the office and in the evening when he was leaving. Sometimes, under some random excuse, he disappeared from his office during the day and went to the park to see whether the boy was alright. He always made sure to bring some food and something to drink for the boy. But sometimes to his disappointment, he found the box which served as the boy's sleeping arrangement empty. The only thing which kept Frank Reagan relatively calm was that he kept seeing the boy in the morning when he was coming to 1 PP.

This scenario has repeated over and over for days by now, and the boy still hasn't said a single word to him. Neither he seemed as if he recognized him. But there was this strong bound the commissioner felt to this boy that made him believe that the boy was his son.

It was not long before the Thanksgiving when the commissioner was about to go home after a long day at the office when he saw the boy trying to warm up next to his campfire he opened in an old bin.

It was cold outside and the forecast for upcoming days promised that it would get even colder. The boy couldn't stay on the street, or he would risk serious frostbites or even worse.

"It's going to be a cold night," Frank told the boy as he brought him some extra blankets, hot tea, and some food.

The boy took the offered blankets eagerly from Frank, and the commissioner could swear he saw the boy smile for the first time.

"I know you are a tough child, but you can't stay on the street tonight, it's going to be really cold," the commissioner continued.

There was no way the kid was going to survive on the street, not if the temperatures were going to drop below zero.

"You know what?" He looked at the boy in the eyes, trying to get his trust. "Why don't you come with me to my place tonight?" He asked.

At this point, he didn't really care whether the boy was really his Jamie or not. The only thing he cared about was that the boy would be someplace warm tonight. That was the only thing which mattered at the moment.

But the boy seemed reluctant.

"It's much warmer in my place than here," Frank tried to reason with the boy. "Besides, pops makes amazing spaghetti ala carbonara. You might want to try them." He tried to convince the boy.

But the boy just shook his head.

Frank just sighed heavily. This was going to be a tough nut to crack. He thought.

"Listen, I know you are afraid. But I want you to know that you don't have to. Because all I want to do is to help you."

"Come on, if I wanted to hurt you, would I really be bringing you all those food and warm clothes?" The commissioner questioned.

It took Frank sometime before he convinced the boy to come with him to the waiting car.

It was warm inside.

The boy looked nervously around as if he was looking for a way out.

He realized he didn't belong there.

Suddenly, he felt slightly ashamed of his dirty clothes and that he particularly didn't smell like roses. He lowered his had, embarrassed with his appearance.

"You have nothing to be ashamed of," Frank assured the kid when he saw how nervous the boy looked. "I'm sure it's not your fault you ended up on the street."

*****BB*****

"Right, here we are," Frank told the boy as they came to his house.

"Pops, I'm home, and I have a guest with me," he called at his father as he was helping the boy take the winter jacket he purchased for him off.

The boy was looking silently around as if he was trying to get his head around the fact that this could be someone's home.

"Francis," Henry greeted his son as he came into the hallway from the kitchen.

The former commissioner stopped in his tracks when he saw the deprived boy who was accompanying the commissioner. "And who is this little chap?" He asked warmly, handing his hand to the boy.

"That's our guest, pop," Frank announced to his father as he gave Henry I'll explain later look. "I was hoping you could give him something to eat while I prepare him Jamie's old bedroom and a hot bath."

"Alright," Henry nodded his head. By now, he was kind of used to the fact that his son sometimes acted strangely. But Francis bringing home a homeless kid, well, that was a whole new level. But the former commissioner attributed that to the fact that his son was desperately trying to find Jamie.

"If you would follow me to the kitchen, I'll find you something to eat," he gave the boy a smirk.

"I prepared you a hot bath," the commissioner announced when he came back to the kitchen, where the boy was just finishing the soup Henry prepared for him. He was carrying some fresh towels in his hands. "If you are finished, I will show you to the bathroom." The commissioner suggested.

The boy put down the bowl back at the table and followed Frank to the bathroom only grudgingly.

"I prepared some of my sons' old clothes for you so you can change for the night. There is also some clean underwear," Frank explained, pointing at the pile with some clean sweatshirts, trunks, etc. "I'm pretty sure you will find something that will fit." He told the boy before he left him in the bathroom.

"So, you really think it's him?" Henry asked his son once he came to Jamie's old room; the commissioner was preparing for their guest.

Frank stopped changing the sheets for a moment and turned to his father:

"I know it may sound crazy to you, pops, but ever since I met him, I feel this strong connection to him I can't really explain... Besides, they are about the same age, they have got the same hair, eyes, even nose, and chin ... I really think it's him!" The commissioner insisted.

"Think or wish?" Henry questioned as he helped his son change the sheets on Jamie's old bed.

"I would be lying if I said I don't wish it was him," the man, who was broken by the events of the last couple of years, admitted.

"Just don't get your hopes up, Francis!" His father warned him, "there is still chance that it's not our Jamie!"

"I know, pops. I know," Frank nodded his head sadly.

*****BB*****

"Alright, so this is the room we prepared for you," Frank announced to the boy as he was leading him to Jamie's old bedroom. "I hope you will like it."

He chose Jamie's old room on purpose, secretly hoping that he will find it familiar. But to his disappointment, the boy just looked confusedly around. As always, he hasn't said a single word. "My room is just across the hall. So, if you needed anything, just knock on the door." The commissioner told the boy before he told him goodnight. He couldn't help it but run his hand through the boy's soft hair. He wanted nothing but to take the boy, the boy he was so convinced it was his son, to his loving arms and hold him forever. But he knew he couldn't do that, not if the boy did not recognize him.

This was torture for Frank.

He leaned down and planted the boy's head, which was now freshly washed, a good night's kiss. Before he left the room. It was a long day, and they all needed to get a got rest before tomorrow. As he was trying to fall asleep, the commissioner was thinking about what he should do next. He needed to make sure that the boy was really his son. In his heart, he knew it. But he needed solid evidence. A DNA test or tooth imprints. He should definitely take Jamie to the doctor in the morning. Not only to get his blood tested but mainly to check that the boy was not ill or injured. After all, he lived on the street for God knows how long among homeless men, he could have easily caught an infectious disease such as tuberculosis. Besides, he definitely had something with his leg for he was limping. The commissioner realized as he was going through the list of things they needed to take care of the next day. It was going to be one busy day. Fran thought before he fell asleep.

But the next morning, when the commissioner woke up, and he went to check on Jamie, he found out that the boy was gone. He looked downstairs, but the boy wasn't there.

"Pops!" The commissioner cried out with great urgency in his voice.

"What's going on, Francis?" Henry wanted to know immediately. He was still half asleep because it was still very early. "You're gonna give me a heart attack!"

"He is gone, pops!" Frank cried out desperately.

"What do you mean, he is gone?" The former commissioner asked his son confused.

"Jamie's gone!"

**TBC**

**AN:**

**Sorry for the wait, guys, but I am so busy with work. Two more weeks to go before the summer holidays begin…**


	9. Look and You Will Find

"So, he really took a homeless kid home for the night?" Sergeant Gormley asked Garrett, raising his eyebrows.

"I think, he is convinced he found Jamie," Garret revealed to Sid, "unfortunately, so far there is no evidence that the kid is really him."

"You think he could be?" Gormley wanted to know.

"Who knows," the DCPI shrugged his shoulders. "He could be. I mean, he definitely is around Jamie's age. He looks like him or at least how he would most likely look like by now... The only problem is, he doesn't seem to recognize Frank or Henry, not even the house. So, it really is hard to tell whether it's him or not."

"Heard he doesn't speak," Sydney pointed out as he and Garrett walked through the corridor in the 13th floor.

"Yeah, that's another problem. The boy hasn't said a single word since Frank found him..." Garrett nodded his head. "But Frank is convinced that he found his son."

"What about a DNA test?" Lieutenant Gormley suggested, trying to be helpful in this awkward situation.

"Well, that's naturally what Frank wanted to do too before the kid ran off...," Garrett raised his arms in the air hopelessly.

"For commissioner's wellbeing, I really hope we find the boy quickly," Sid mentioned before he and Garrett entered commissioner's office.

*****BB*****

"Have all the units been notified?" Frank asked Garrett as he was talking to his DCPI in his office.

"What do you think?" Garrett just raised his eyebrows.

"And so far nothing?" The commissioner just couldn't believe that he had thirty-five-thousand men on his command and they were unable to find his son in his city

"What about we ask the public for help?" He asked his friend what he thought about his suggestion.

"We can definitely do that but because we don't know whether it's Jamie or not, I would suggest we just publish his picture and we won't say that he might be your son. It might bring some unwanted attention from the media which could scare the kid even more if he is hiding somewhere if you ask me. By the way, do you know what made the boy run away in the first place?" Garrett wanted to know.

Frank just shrugged his shoulders. "I have no idea. I thought everything was going just fine and the next thing I know, Jamie's gone."

Garrett hesitated for a moment before he dared to ask: "Did it ever occur to you it might not be Jamie?" The Deputy Commissioner for Public Information questioned.

Frank just took a deep breath before he replied: "Of course, it occurred to me. But I'm pretty certain that the boy is my son," he insisted.

"Alright," his friend nodded his head.

*****BB*****

"I'm really worried about your father," Henry told his grandchildren as they all gathered in the kitchen to hold a secret meeting before their father would come home. "He seems pretty convinced that the boy he brought home a few days back is your brother." The former commissioner revealed to his grandchildren.

"What?" Erin asked surprised. "I thought..," she stopped, looking from her grandfather to her brothers and back, "I thought you said it was just some random homeless kid."

"The NYPD is full of rumors that the commissioner has bats in the belfry," Danny announced to the rest of his family.

"Don't talk about your father like that, Danny!" Henry admonished his grandson. "He is just full of grief and he would give everything to have Jamie back. It's natural he is trying everything in his powers to find your brother, however improbable that might be."

"Hey, I didn't say that dad had bats in the belfry, I just told you what the other men at work were saying about dad," Danny defended himself.

"That's disgusting," Erin got irritated, "as if they didn't know what he has been through."

"So, where is he now, the boy?" Joe interrupted his brother and sister, wanting to know what happened to that kid.

"Your father brought him here for a night, but the boy ran away," Henry explained, sadness evident in his voice. Whether it was their Jamie or not, he kind of liked the kid, although unlike his son, he kept reminding himself not to get his hopes up. "Ever since he ran away, we have no idea where he is, nor whether he is alright." He stated with a heavy heart.

"This is ridiculous!" Erin cried out of sudden. "We have to go out and find him!"

"Don't you think that by now dad has thirty-five thousands of his men out there looking for the boy?" Her older brother questioned.

"We received the boy's picture, but it would never occur to me it could have been our Jamie," Joe uttered. "We were just told that finding the boy was our top priority but nobody ever told us why," he stated aggravated.

Danny's mobile phone started beeping.

"Yeah, what have you got?" Danny answered the phone as he stood up from behind the table so he could take the call in the kitchen where he would have more privacy.

"I have to go," the detective announced to his family when he returned to the living room a few minutes later. "We caught a homicide. I'll see you all at Thanksgiving dinner the latest."

"Well, that's only if you're father's gonna celebrate Thanksgiving this year," their grandfather pointed out.

"And why would that be?" Danny asked not sure what Henry was talking about.

"I pretty much doubt Francis will be willing to celebrate Thanksgiving unless we find the boy." The former commissioner explained to his grandson.

The three remaining Reagan children just exchanged a concerned look, knowing their grandfather was right.

*****BB*****

"Francis, you do realize that the boy does not necessarily have to be our Jamie, right?" Henry was trying to talk some sense into his son.

"I know that, pops," his son replied in a low voice, nursing a glass of whiskey in his hands. "Of course, I know that."

Henry just nodded his head sadly.

"But you too saw those eyes," the commissioner mumbled as he and Henry were silently sitting in the living room, both lost in their troubled minds.

"I did," Henry sighed heavily. "But if it was him, why did he act as if he didn't recognize us?" The former commissioner questioned.

"I don't know, pops," his son replied. "But there surely must be some explanation."

"Francis, I'm afraid you're gonna get your heart broken over that homeless boy," Henry told his son what he was thinking all the time.

There was a silence before Frank spoke again.

"The day we lost Jamie, something died inside of me. It's like there was a hole I was trying to fill but I can't. And if there is the slightest chance that Jamie could be still alive, I'll go after it, no matter how improbable that might be. I hope you understand that?"

Henry just sighed again before he replied: "Why don't I pour us another drink?" He suggested, taking the empty glass from Francis. As he passed his son by, he gave his shoulder a tight squeeze. Frank just turned his head towards his father, grateful for his understanding and compassion.

*****BB*****

It has already been five days since Jamie/the boy has run away from the house. The commissioner hasn't seen him ever since. He kept looking out of the window in his office, hoping that the boy would return. But every time Frank came closer to the window he once again found out that the old cartoon box the boy slept in was empty. He often wondered what could have possibly made the boy run away and why wouldn't he come back to his improvised shelter next to 1PP. He wondered whether it was something he has done or said. But as he was replaying that evening in his head over and over he was unable to find anything that could possibly make the boy feel uneasy about staying in their house. Or at least from Frank's point of view.

It was just the night before the Thanksgiving and the commissioner was about to go home. He was disappointed that so far they were unable to get any news about Jamie. He wondered whether he will ever see his son again but the inner voice in his head was telling him not to give up.

It was cold and drizzly and Frank pulled his coat closer to his chest, trying to stay warm but the cold weather kept getting to him. He just hoped that Jamie was somewhere warm, although he doubted it.

"Thanks, John," the commissioner told his driver as the other man opened the door to his car for him.

They were just about to leave when the commissioner saw something from his window.

"John, could you pull up," he asked his driver before he got out of the car, not sure what he just saw but he could swear he saw something moving there where Jamie used to have his improvised shelter. It was probably just a cat or a squirrel but Frank wasn't going to risk anything. The commissioner crossed the road between the park and 1PP. As he was getting closer, he could see there definitely was someone or something in that old cartoon box.

He rushed towards the shadow he just saw only to saw the boy's bloodied face.

"Oh my God," Frank cried out, "who did this to you?" He asked the boy as he leaned over to him so he could see the amount of injuries he suffered.

The boy hissed when Frank touched his injured face.

"It's alright, darling," the commissioner assured the boy, "we will take care of you!" He then turned to his driver: "John, I think we need to get him to the hospital. Could you bring me some blankets?" He asked the other man as his driver was nearing them.

"Jamie, I want you to stay calm, we are going to get you some help," he assured his son. He didn't have any doubt that the boy in front of him was his son and therefore he made a decision to call him Jamie whether his name was really Jamie or not.

Frank could see tears glittering in the boy's hazel eyes. He embraced the child in his arms, not only to provide him a little bit of extra warmth but also to give him some comfort.

"It's okay, I'm right here," he whispered as he held the boy in his arms. "It's going to be alright, darling, I promise," Frank kept whispering, running his fingers gently through the boy's soft hair.

"Thank you, John," the commissioner uttered when his driver brought him a blanket they kept in commissioner's car.

The commissioner then put the blanket around the boy's shivering shoulders and kept clutching him to his warm chest.

"There you go, this should keep you warm," he told the boy as he was inspecting the boy's injuries.

"Jamie, we have to take you to the hospital," the commissioner continued, but the boy was only reluctant.

"You're hurt, darling!" He stressed to the boy. "Someone needs to have a look at your injuries," Frank tried to explain to the boy as he helped him to get up.

The boy cried with pain, only confirming Frank's belief that the boy needed to see a doctor.

"Come on, I will help you," he tried to reason with the kid, but the boy tried to run away as it apparently was his habit, only this time his body betrayed him and he collapsed right into Frank's arms.

The commissioner took the boy and carried him to the nearby car.

**TBC**

**So, where do you think this is going to go? Will we finally learn whether it's Jamie or not? And if it's Jamie, will he be able to tell us what happened to him? Will he recognize his family? Any tips and suggestions are welcomed.**

**I almost forgot to tell you! If you haven't seen Nick Torturro's (Renzulli) podcast with Will, then you have to check it out! It's on YouTube if you search for Breaking Bread. First seven minutes are slightly awkward, but I was laughing and crying especially when they tell a story about how they went to a hot spa. It starts at around 25:58-27:30. Let me know what you thought about it because I was laughing so hard :D**

**And, please, take a part in my questionnaire on my readership's age (on my profile page up), because I wonder whether we are the same age or not or whether you are older or younger than me, it could help me adjust the stories. **

**Thanks!**


	10. Happy Thanksgiving

The wait at the hospital was unbearable. Frank was nervously pacing there and back in front of the O.R., eagerly waiting for any word on Jamie's or the boy's he thought was his son condition. When they arrived at the hospital the doctors ran a couple of tests necessary before they whisked Jamie/the boy to the emergency surgery for he was bleeding internally. That was already three hours ago.

Frank wondered whether he should call pops or Danny but he decided to wait till he will have more information about the boy's condition. He just prayed that the boy will be okay.

An hour later an older-looking surgeon, whom Frank knew from the past, and whose name was doctor Collins, finally came to talk to him.

"Frank," he greeted the commissioner when he saw him waiting in the hallway in front of the E.R., "The nurse told me there was someone from the police to talk to me about the condition of the boy they brought here earlier tonight. I guess, I didn't expect to see the chief of the police himself," the doctor told the commissioner, surprised to see him.

He was well aware that it was hardly a job of the police commissioner to wait for the results of the surgery he performed on a homeless child.

"Well, what can I tell you, John, all my men were occupied," Frank made a small joke before he grew serious again. "How is he?" He asked nervously, fearing for the boy's wellbeing.

"The surgery went well," doctor Collins informed him. "The kid was quite lucky because he was stabbed in his abdomen two times. The blade missed his spleen and kidney only by accident." The doctor revealed to the commissioner. "But still did some pretty damage. We had to give that poor child two units of blood before we were able to stabilize him."

"Thank God!" The commissioner sighed with relief.

"We will keep him here at least for a week or two. The boy is also showing some signs of malnourishment and hypothermia. His left arm is broken and he has got cuts and bruises all over his body. There are also some signs of previous injuries. Seems like someone was using that poor child as a punching bag." The older doctor announced to the commissioner as gently as he could, suspecting that the boy must have been somehow special for Frank.

"John, I need to ask you for a favor," the commissioner interrupted the doctor.

"Shoot," the other man stated casually.

"I need you to withdraw the boy's blood and run a DNA test," the commissioner asked the man.

"Alright," doctor Collins nodded his head, "But against whose sample do you want me to test it?" He asked practically.

"Against mine," the commissioner stated simply. He did not doubt that that the boy was his son, but he needed proof.

"Of course," the doctor just swallowed his surprise, "I will tell one of the nurses to take you to one of the emergency rooms and withdraw your blood for testing," the doctor suggested, "But may I ask what makes you believe it's your son?" The doctor asked, putting two and two together. Besides, he was well aware that the commissioner's son went missing about six years ago.

"I don't know, it's just this strong bound I have been feeling towards this child ever since I met him. Plus, there are similarities between him and Jamie, or at least how I pictured he would look like at this age. Besides, they are approximately the same age. But there is a thing that makes me worried, he doesn't seem to recognize me or pops, or the house…," Frank announced sadly.

"Might be some kind of neurological injury," the doctor took his guess. "Alright, we will run an MRI and CT scan as soon as possible, but not before he will recover from the surgery at least partially," the doctor promised as he was about to leave so he could tend to his other patients. "I'll talk to you later."

"Thank you, John," the commissioner told the doctor. Not long after he was addressed by a young-looking nurse.

"Commissioner, if you could, I will take you to have your blood withdrawn for testing," the nurse told Frank as she gestured him to follow her.

"Of course," the chief of police mumbled, following the nurse to the empty emergency room so she could take his blood.

"Just clench your fist," the young female instructed him as she was about to insert a needle into his left arm. Frank hated the needles, that's something he and Jamie had in common and therefore he looked away once the needle neared his arm. Frank could feel as its tip pierced through his skin. He winced a little, but soon it was done.

"Alright, that's it," the nurse told the commissioner as she was marking the flask which now contained Frank's blood with some notes for the lab. "I understood from what doctor Collins have told me, that this is a special circumstance and therefore top priority, yet, it might take a couple of hours before we will get the results back from the lab. I would recommend you get some rest in the meantime before we get the results." She suggested, knowing that this will most likely be a long nerve-wracking night for the man who was sitting opposite to her.

"I would very much like to go back to my son if that's possible," the chief of police asked the nurse. He and Jamie were separated from each other already for six long years and he wasn't going to waste even a minute when he could be with his son.

"Of course," the nurse uttered in a low voice, "I will take you right back, but you still need to wait here couple more minutes, in case you got sick... We don't want the commissioner of the NYPD fainting in one of our hospital corridors, do we?" She reminded him before she accompanied him back to the ICU on the pediatric floor.

*****BB*****

It was already late at night when Jamie's doctor came back to check on his patient.

Frank was just sitting in a chair next to Jamie's bed, holding the boy's hand in his, assuring his child that everything will be alright. Although, Jamie could hardly hear him for he was sleeping the entire time. And as doctor Collins expected he would be sleeping the whole night.

The doctor nodded his head towards Frank once he entered the room before he started checking Jamie's vitals, writing something down in his hospital chart. The boy was just lifelessly lying on the bed, not knowing what was happening around him.

When he was finished, the doctor turned to the commissioner**.**

"Frank, I have got the results of the DNA test for you," he addressed the commissioner. "It's a 99,7% match."

Frank could feel as if a stone fell from his chest. That sweet boy he met only a few weeks ago, that homeless boy he felt so much attached to, was his son, and now he had a proof. Frank could feel his eyes were starting to water. "Thank you for the news," the chief of police thanked the doctor as he took a piece of paper with the results from doctor Collins' hands.

"Frank," the doctor interrupted him from his thoughts, "I'm afraid Jamie has a long road ahead because from what you have described to me earlier it seems he might be suffering from some kind of neurological injury or he might suffer some kind of trauma and his brain is now blocking his memories and therefore he doesn't recognize you… Either or, we need to run some tests and see what they will tell us. From what I can tell, Jamie is showing some signs of neurological injury or at least judging by the character of his injuries on his left leg and arm, but as I told you, we will know more when we run those tests. Unfortunately, thanks to the fact that he just had surgery, plus it's Thanksgiving, and that his injuries are older, and therefore are not seen as urgent, I'm afraid we will have to wait till Monday morning. Till then, may I just suggest that you spend some time with your son and try to bond with him, but do not push it. God knows, what he has been through during those years when he was missing," the chief of the pediatric department told to Frank.

"Thank you, John," the chief of police told to Jamie's doctor as the older man was once again about to leave.

"And, just more thing, Frank, happy Thanksgiving!"

"To you too, John," the commissioner replied. He almost forgot today was Thanksgiving.

Frank slowly walked towards his son's bed, leaned over to Jamie, and planted his son's head a loving kiss. His eyes starting to water once again.

"Happy Thanksgiving, Jamie," he whispered as he was showering his son with his love, thanking God that he gave him his son finally back.

An hour later, when the chief of police has relatively calmed down and overcame the initial strain of emotions, he dialed the number of one person he needed to see now the most, besides Jamie, of course.

"Hey, it's me. I know, it's late, but I'm at the hospital…, do you think you could come?" He asked the person on the other end of the line.

"Thanks," the chief of police uttered before he hung up.

*****BB****

"I got your message, Francis," Henry told to his son as he entered the room where his grandson was sleeping in his hospital bed.

Naturally, the former commissioner was surprised to hear from his son so late at night but then given his occupation as the former chief of police, he got used to late phone calls over the years.

"It's him, pops," Frank told to his father with tears in his eyes, handing the older man a piece of paper he was grasping in his shaking hands.

Henry took the paper from Frank and gave it a brief look. It was the results of a DNA test and it showed 99,7% match.

"Good Lord," Henry whispered as he read the news. "It really is him!"

"Yes, it is," his son uttered. "It's our Jamie."

**TBC**

**AN: "So, there you go guys, Jamie's alive. How will his siblings react to the news and will Jamie finally recognize someone?**


	11. While You Were Sleeping

"What did the doctor have to say about Jamie's condition, Francis?" The former commissioner asked his son with concern, looking nervously around the hospital room.

His grandson, who was recovering from the surgery, was hooked to a monitor monitoring his heartbeat and was breathing only with the help of a nasal cannula. His childish face was playing with various colors and his left arm was hung in a sling.

Frank took a deep breath, taking some time to think through his response.

"Well, from what the doctor has told me Jamie was quite lucky because although he was stabbed in his abdomen twice the blade has missed all the important organs as a miracle. He has got a dislocated arm as you can see. Those injuries in his face are only superficial. Thank God for that! But as for his older injuries, we will need to wait till the doctors will run some additional tests. But, given the fact that Jamie has just undergone emergency surgery, and that his other injuries are older, we will have to wait at least till Monday till the doctors will run some tests." The commissioner revealed to his father as he nervously bit his lip.

"The doctors think he might have suffered some neurological injury." The worried father added after a while.

Henry just nodded his head sadly. He knew well what it felt like when a parent was fearing for their child.

"He will be alright, Francis. He is a Reagan." Henry tried to assure his son, although he wasn't quite sure who he was trying to make feel better, whether it was Francis or him.

"I wish you were right, pop," Frank replied as he gave his baby boy another concerned look. "I wish you were right."

*****BB*****

"So, it really is him?" Danny asked his father again as the two men were talking in the corridor in front of Jamie's hospital room, unable to believe his ears.

The detective could see his brother lying in his bed from behind the glass wall. After all, Jamie was still in recovery at the ICU and therefore there were some restrictions regarding his visits.

"Yes, it is, Danny," the commissioner uttered with tears, reflecting relief, happiness, but also worry, glittering in his eyes.

_God, their old man has been through so much ever since the day Jamie disappeared six years ago. _Danny thought as he looked his father in the eyes.

"It's our Jamie!" The older man repeated full of emotions. It couldn't escape the detective that his voice was slightly shaking.

"Oh, my God," escaped Danny's lips. "I can't believe it. After all these years!" The oldest of Reagan's children shook his head, unable to believe that this all could be true.

"Yeah, I know. It's a miracle, isn't it?" The commissioner stated.

"Does Erin and Joe know about this?" Danny wanted to know. He was still processing the shock.

"They're on their way, pops called them," his father explained as he kept his eager eye on Jamie who was lifelessly lying in his hospital bed.

"So, what's gonna happen now?" The detective questioned.

"Well, they want to keep Jamie here till they run some more tests, mainly to figure out what causes his memory loss, and then, hopefully, if everything goes well, we will take him home." The commissioner revealed to his son.

"Right," the detective agreed.

Danny hesitated for a moment before he spoke again: "Ehm, dad, have you thought about the possibility that Jamie might not want to come home with you? Especially, if he won't recognize you. I mean, after all, he already ran away from the house the last time. He might try to run away again," the detective pointed out what has been on Frank's mind too.

This was troubling Frank the most. This and the cause behind Jamie's memory loss, naturally.

The worried father just sighed heavily.

"Of course I thought about that, Danny. I will naturally try talking to your brother and explain the situation to him. But other then that, I will have a patrol car watching the house just in case Jamie tries to run away again. But, Danny, one thing is for sure, he can't stay on the street, I won't let him!"

"Well, of course, he can't," the detective agreed.

"Dad!" The two men got interrupted as Erin and Joe walked hastily into the hallway.

"How is he?" Erin, who was out of breath, wanted to know immediately.

"He is sleeping now," their father explained as he gave their youngest whose head was delved in the pillow a concerned look. "He is still weak after the surgery," he revealed to his adult children.

"A surgery?" Joe questioned for their grandfather hasn't told them much when he called. Only that Jamie was found in that park next to the 1 PP and that he was taken to the hospital.

"I'm afraid your brother has suffered some internal bleeding but the doctors have fixed it," Frank repeated what he has told Henry and Danny sometime earlier that night. "What worries them more is his memory loss, so, naturally, they want to keep him here till they find what causes it." The commissioner explained.

"So, he really doesn't recognize you?" Joe worried. He could only imagine how hard it must have been on their father.

"I'm afraid not," the commissioner admitted sadly.

"Listen, why don't you all go home, get some sleep and come back in the morning. Your brother needs to sleep off the anesthesia and all those meds the doctors gave him, so he really is out of it… it really doesn't make sense for you to be here," he suggested hopefully, wanting to allow his children some pretty much needed rest.

"We're not going anywhere, dad!" Danny stated resolutely as he exchanged a brief look with his siblings. "We are all staying here!"

The commissioner just gave his children a weak smile. They were all stubborn like him. After all, they were his children.

*****BB*****

"This seems crazy," Danny told his brother and sister as they were all eagerly waiting in the hospital waiting room, nursing black coffee with some old good Scotch in it in their hands. "Our brother has spent God knows how long living in the street like a homeless man...," the detective shook his head, unable to understand what happened to their baby brother in those years when no one knew where he was or whether he was even alive. "I mean, that's just insane. How come the kid never came home?"

"Well, that's probably because he doesn't remember who he is, nor where he lives." Joe reminded to Danny who was nervously pacing there and back. "From what I have understood, Jamie is most likely suffering from some kind of amnesia. It might take a while before he will be able to tell us what happened to him. And that's only if he will be able to get his memory back. However, one thing is certain. Whatever happened to him was hardly good, or at least judging by the state he was in when dad found him." The young police officer pointed out.

*****BB*****

"Pops," Frank uttered when he noticed his father enter the room.

"I just wanted to see how you were doing," Henry whispered as he came closer to the chair his son was seated in right next to Jamie.

"I'm fine," the commissioner replied automatically. He has said that so many times during the last couple years that the words have already lost their meaning.

"I'm not the one you should be worried about, after all." The tired man added, giving his father a weak smile.

"You sure?" Henry questioned as he took the seat right next to his son. "Because, if my son was found after he was missing for six years, I'm sure I wouldn't be," the former commissioner shook his head.

"Seriously, pops, I'm fine!" Frank insisted. "I'm just relieved we found him alive! That's all that matters to me right now." The dreaded father stated tiredly.

"Doesn't happen every day, does it?" Henry uttered, although his question was rather rhetorical.

"No, it doesn't," Francis agreed.


	12. Waking Up

It was already morning when the commissioner woke up next to his son after the long night spent in uncomfortable hospital chair. At first he wondered what was he doing at the hospital, but then he remembered. _Jamie. _Crossed his mind immediately and he gave his sleeping son a concerned look.

His boy was still sleeping, most likely thanks to the drugs the doctors gave hi..

Frank stood up, and cracked his back. He thought that during those long nights and days he spent at the hospital while his beloved wife was dying that he would get used to the uncomfortableness of hospital chairs, but no, he didn't. The mid-aged man leaned over to the sleeping boy and with his left hand he adjusted the blanket that was covering his son. The commissioner gave his son loving, yet concerning look. Frank rubbed Jamie's cheek with the back of his hand as he recalled the last time when he was holding a bedside vigil next to his little boy. Jamie was nine years old and he was running a high fever. His wife Mary was visiting her mother in Maine, while he stayed home with kiss. A few tears escaped his dark eyes. It was overwhelming for the commissioner to have his son with him after so many years.

"Hey, dad," Danny whispered as he peaked his head into the room. "Any change?"

Frank just shook his head. "No, he has been sleeping the whole night. I suppose those meds they gave him were quite strong.'

"Right," his oldest replied. "Listen, dad, I was wondering whether you wanted to get some rest, and maybe get yourself some coffee or perhaps something to eat. I could take over for you and stay with Jamie while you will be gone." Danny offered as he came closer to Jamie's bed. It hurt him to see his baby brother like this. Hooked to all those hospital monitors. His childish face was playing with whole scale of colors. Danny has seen lot as a detective of the NYPD, but seeing his brother lying lifelessly in the hospital bed, well, that was a whole different story.

Frank just gave his son a weak smile. "Thank you, Danny. That's very thoughtful of you, but I would rather stay here, waiting for your brother to wakes up." The commissioner stated simply as he ran his hand through Jamie's soft hair.

"Sure," Danny replied taking the seat next to Jamie's bed.

"They battered him pretty badly," he mumbled as he was once again examining his brother's face.

His father just took a deep breath. "I hope Jamie will be able to tell us who did this to him." He then leaned down to the boy and planted his head a kiss.

"Yeah, I would pretty much like to know that myself so I can beat the shit out of that scumbag," Danny cursed.

Frank just gave Danny a look. Danny almost thought his father was going to tell him something moralizing, but to his surprise the commissioner replied: "You're reading my mind."

******BB*****

It took a few more hours before Jamie finally woke up. The whole family was gathered in his hospital room, eagerly waiting for this moment. Jamie who was still loopy from the drugs the doctors gave him a therefore he just peered confusedly around the room. There was a big man next to him. He was so big that Jamie in his confused mind almost thought he was a giant. When he looked down he realized that the man was holding his hand. There were other men too and there also were two women. He didn't understand what was happening, but the man who was holding his hand provided some kind of comfort.

"Thirsty," the boy mumbled weakly. His throat was dry and he wanted to take a good sip of something to drink.

A woman with a blond hair came to him and offered him a cup of water. She had an aura around her that she almost reminded an angel.

Jamie took a thirsty sip as he kept looking around the room. Two men in the corner were relatively young. One was big and scary, but the other one looked nice. There was also an old man who was now smiling at him. He somehow made Jamie think of Christmas.

"Christmas" crossed the boy's mind. This made him think about his mum, although he couldn't quite picture her face.

"Mum," he whispered, looking for a woman who would provide him comfort.

This broke everyone's heart. Even though they didn't know whether Jamie remembered them, he surely had no chance knowing that his mother passed away.

They one by one exchanged a worried look.

"Jamie," the commissioner addressed his son, "do you recognize us?" He asked worriedly.

The boy looked at him, but he hastily shook his head.

The commissioner just gave him a kind smile as he took his youngest into his loving arms. "That's okay my dear, we will take it a day by day," ha assured his soon, planting his head a loving kiss.

"Jamie," his brother Danny addressed him, "do you have any idea what happen?"

But once again the boy just sheepishly shook his head.

"Jamie, we are your family," Erin reminded her brother as she came closer to his bed. "This is your dad and I am your sister. And those two over there are your brothers Danny and Joe." Erin pointed at her brothers. "And next to them is pops. And this is Linda, Danny's wife." Erin tried her best to help Jamie remember.

The boy looked at them one by one, not recognizing any of them. He could understand her words, but they didn't make any sense to him. Unable to understand what was going on, he curled into a ball and started crying.

"That's alright, darling," Frank told his son as he laid his hand on his back. "You have all the time you will need," the commissioner whispered into his ear.

He then turned to his children: "Listen, I know how eagerly you have awaited this moment, but I am afraid your brother is still weak after the surgery and he needs his rest. So, why don't you all come back in the afternoon," the father of the family suggested as he held his youngest child around arms.

"Of course," Joe mumbled.

"Sure thing," Danny nodded his head.

"Will come back," Erin promised as she rubbed her brother's back. "We love you so much," she told Jamie before she leaned down and planted his head a kiss.

"I'll be in the waiting room, if you need me, Francis," Henry promised as he too took his leave. He then turned to his grandson. "Sleep tight," he uttered in a low voice as he ruffled the boy's hair.

"I'll come check on you," Linda promised as she laid her hand on Frank's back.

Her father in law just nodded his head in agreement.

They all left the room one by one leaving the commissioner and his son alone.

"Why don't you get some sleep, Jamie," the commissioner suggested giving his son an encouraging look.

**TBC**

**Hey guys, sorry for the wait. As some of you know I have been running my own company for the last two years and therefore I am kind of busy from time to time. Plus, I had an enormous writter's block. Anyway, I would love to hear your ideas about where do you think this story is going? And what happened to Jamie six years ago? That's the biggest question right now! Love to hear your guesses because sometimes you have the most brilliant ideas and I would love to hear your opinions, although as always, I have a plan but I am always open to your ideas.**

**Lots of love**

**xoxo**


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